I am puke
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
