if i can run in heels then i can drive
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
