I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
