Having a random hookup so left but love u
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
