The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
