someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize