I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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