its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
