So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
