i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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