New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
