Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
