I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Randomize
