Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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