apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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