if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
