Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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