do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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