Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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