You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.