oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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