***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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