I need to stop coming to work sober
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
