Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
