I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
