I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize