So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
