Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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