I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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