All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
