Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.