ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.