I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you