When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
