before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
