i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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