i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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