dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
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Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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