she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
