Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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