I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?