Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.