I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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