apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob