I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
