I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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