Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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