had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
