I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
