I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am available for nakedness
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
