I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
