Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
