I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize