My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
