hotel room ftw
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
