Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
