I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
