I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
