We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
