im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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