In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
