no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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