I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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